When parents find themselves in court for custody, divorce, or other family law matters, the way they present themselves can significantly impact the judge’s perception. While legal arguments and evidence are vital, a parent’s demeanor and behavior in court are equally important. Judges often form impressions based not just on facts, but also on how parents conduct themselves throughout the proceedings. It is often the case that parties appear before the same judge a number of times, and be certain that they remember the parents and will remember their opinions. Below are key behaviors that judges appreciate from parents during cases:
1. Respectful Demeanor
Judges appreciate parents who show respect to the court, to the attorneys, and to each other. This includes addressing the judge as “Your Honor,” avoiding interruptions, and listening attentively when others are speaking. Even when emotions run high, maintaining composure signals maturity and respect for the legal process.
2. Preparedness
Coming to court prepared with knowledge of the timeline and facts of your case and ready to discuss specific examples and instances supporting your custody case. Judges appreciate when parents are organized, can provide requested information promptly, and do not waste the court’s time.
3. Focus on the Child’s Best Interests
Judges are primarily concerned with the well-being of the child in custody and family law cases. Parents who demonstrate a genuine focus on their child’s best interests, rather than personal grievances or vendettas, are viewed favorably. This includes cooperating with parenting plans, attending school events, and promoting healthy relationships with the other parent.
4. Cooperation and Willingness to Compromise
Judges value parents who are willing to work together for the sake of their children. Being open to mediation, settlement discussions, and flexible with arrangements reflects a willingness to prioritize family stability over personal conflict.
5. Honesty and Transparency
Misleading the court or withholding information is a quick way to lose credibility. Judges appreciate when parents are honest, even when the truth may not be entirely favorable. Transparency builds trust and avoids complications down the line.
6. Avoiding Negative Comments and Alienation or Talking about Legal Proceedings with Children
Speaking poorly about the other parent or attempting to alienate the child is strongly frowned upon. Judges are perceptive to attempts at manipulation or influencing the child’s opinion against the other parent. Maintaining a neutral and supportive stance is crucial. Further, discussing the litigation with the children is almost always formally against the court’s rules in these kinds of cases. Parents should let the children be children and avoid bringing them into the fight.
7. Timeliness and Reliability
Showing up on time for court dates, hearings, and appointments reflects reliability and respect for the process. Consistent punctuality signals that the parent values the importance of the proceedings and is committed to resolving matters efficiently.
8. Understanding and Following Court Orders
Judges appreciate parents who understand and follow temporary orders, custody arrangements, and other directives without constant conflict or need for enforcement. Non-compliance suggests instability and disrespect for authority.
9. Limiting Emotional Outbursts
Family law cases are inherently emotional, but controlling outbursts and maintaining composure is critical. Judges value emotional restraint and appreciate when parents express themselves calmly and rationally.
10. Effective Communication Skills
Clear, concise, and respectful communication, both in the courtroom and with the other parent, is an asset. Judges note when parents can articulate their concerns and desires without resorting to hostility or aggression.
Parents who demonstrate respect, preparedness, cooperation, and a focus on their children’s well-being are more likely to gain the judge’s respect and trust. In family law cases, where emotions often run high, a composed and child-focused approach speaks volumes. Keeping these behaviors in mind can help parents present themselves favorably, which can influence outcomes in significant ways.
